(If you don't care about reading dark gloomy past stuff then skip this journal read.)
Eight years later and I'm still here.(Living not being on deviantart) September 6 is gonna mark eight years that I almost killed myself. I had depression bad in those days. Family was tearing itself apart; I was being bullied hard in school because of my art. I called for help so many times but fell on death ears. So one calm afternoon I walked into my kitchen, pick up a sharp knife, and walked outside into the backyard. I stood there with the knife pointing into my neck
with my other hand at the base ready to shove it in. Can't remember how long I stood there waiting to do it. To end what I thought at the time was a pointless existence. I couldn't think of a reason why I shouldn't.
Other than my art. Thought back to all the fun I had just putting a crayon to a paper and didn't care if I colored inside the lines. To all the afternoons I came home from school to watch my favorite shows and drew my favorite characters.
Then at that point (no pun intended) I thought that the only thing I should live for was for my art. So from then on I went on with life. Enduring the hate from others. Watching my family destroy itself over drugs. But I didn't care. I just stuck drawing because that was the only joy I had in life at the time. Of course dealing with all this hardship has droven me a little insane.(Crazy in a good way because all the crazy stuff that happens now I just shrug it off and move on.)
I thought that maybe if I hung in for a few years things would get better. Bullsh*t they did. All that time later had made me bitter and cold towards people. Up until the last three years have things calmed down enough that I started to bloom again. Like a rose enduring a harsh long winter. It was slow but I began to open myself up a little bit by bit. Giving people a chance again. (The ones who weren't assholes) Found this art website and thought eh; why not?
Few years later I meet some people, got better with my art, and made some friends along the way. I can honestly say that things are better now then they were back then...yeesh. I live my life for myself and no one is gonna get in the way of that now. Not family, not assholes, no one. I enjoy my time here on DA. At least people here can somewhat nice. Life still gives me hell but that's just life. I don't let it get me down as much as it used to.When you have no silver lining you make your own no-matter who says what cause in the end it all comes down to you getting your cake at the end and eating it too!(If you have someone to share it with that's okay too.)
If you read all this sorry for boring ya. I just felt like I had to get that out of my system. Been pent up for so long.
This is just my way of seeing things from past experiences so you don't have to agree or like what I just said.